Monday, October 21, 2013
Have you ever asked yourself a question why many parents keep on conflicting with their daughters and sons as those children grow up adults? When I decided to follow why by asking these children most of them told me that their parents forced them not to live a life they want instead what their parents want. I took my time to follow up parents and get their opinion on that, their response was that; their children think they know more than them while in reality they are the one who knows more as they are the one who brought those children in the world hence they can choose how their children should live.
Who is right between children and parents?
I kept on following up and discovered that many parents as they get a child they start dreaming and planning on how they want their child to look like in future which is good, for example you may find a parent says, “I want this child to be a world football superstar, a great musician in our country”, and most of them pick their own carrier from which they believe in and think of their children to be so in future, “I want my child to be a teacher like me, an accountant like me, a doctor like me, an engineer like me, a business man like me, marry a child from a rich family like mine, marry a child of my friend”, and so many visions and plans like these. The question to ask is that; although this is good but is it in alignment with their children personal traits and talents?
As blind babies, their children know nothing of what is planned unto them hence they find themselves living their parent’s programs as they grow. Becoming adults most of them at school they start discovering their inborn talents and start living them, some discover that they are dancers, footballers, painters, mathematicians, problem solvers in the society etc, if unfortunately these discoveries fall outside their parent’s plan is when conflicts start only if this child will start living his/her talent.
This is due to the fact that parents start feeling to be betrayed as they don’t realize their dreams upon this child as they planned before. The effects of this becomes bigger and bigger as these parents fail to accept that what they wanted is not necessarily be true to this child for being born by them doesn’t mean she or he is like them in terms of talents, abilities and choices of life. They become stressed and some of them who think less choose to believe that their daughter or son is bewitched not to respect his/her parents hence they may decide to jilt him or her and totally destroy his or her life trend.
A fearful child will keep on feeling guilty without letting her or his parents know what she/he exactly want in life hence will go to study unwanted carrier and fail to use it effectively and successfully at work, he/she will go to work a job not of his/her choice and looking sad, complaining in all his/her life, will marry a woman or man of not her/his choice and live without peace while cheating all his/her life.
In opposite a confident child will keep on positively confronting and demanding his/her parents to consider his/her good life choice and talents so that they can allow him/her to succeed in life. Most of parents who had those dreams never accept to change easily, this child will push and push until they desperately let him/her go and ultimately he/she succeed they come back and congratulate him/her. Those with wisdom will ask this child for forgiveness for how they challenged him/her for their conservativeness.
What should parents do?
As a parent your work since getting this baby should be learning and observing his/her inborn talents and likes so as you can direct him or her in the right way. Make a choice of life for your child and daughter basing on how you have learnt about their personal traits and behaviors, nurture that and not your personal selfish wants. As he or she is grown up consult him/her to know what he/ she think is a great life to live, share your constructive experience in where he/she want to side in life and not discourage plus coercively forcing him/her to live according to your interests, doing so will make both of you end up into conflict only if that child is confident and not fearful.
If you feel like your children are betraying you by not living your dreams know that you betrayed yourself at first as you became selfish by thinking that your child must be like you. Your child can look exactly like you by face but he/she is completely different and a unique person from you in terms of his/her personality and talents so it is not necessary he/she behave like you in everything.
What should children do?
Be aware that you are talented, wish to live what God has put in you that makes you unique, if you always feel guilty with what you are doing now or the way you live now choose to follow your talent and confront the systems which program you to live according to them and positively change your life from today. A good thing with people is that they will reject you as you decide but come back to you as you succeed so no need to fear and stop living your dream.
All the best
By. Erick Chrispin
Monday, September 23, 2013
Do you know that there are inbuilt natural principles which are universal and every human being is supposed to live according to them?
Those natural principles are what mean YOU and they are the one which determine your natural character and habit at the end. Most of us are living according to how we are programmed by our social values hence we contradict ourselves as we are living against our natural unchanged principles.
For us to be successful and effective in our life we must take care of these universal principles so as we can be changed in our usual habits that make us unsuccessful, stressful, not effective, guilt and unsettled in relationship with others.
The natural principles or laws which I am going to describe to you now are the one which naturally build your permanent personal character and out of your character is where your habits come and we can see your habits in your actions.
Let us look at these natural universal principles of human beings
How do you feel when you speak truth if you compare to when you lie?
The feeling you get is what prove it to be a natural principle and character of human beings. There is no any human being who will naturally fell free and relaxing forever as he/she lies because we are made to live the TRUTH, and every one becomes confident, happy and relaxed as he/she speaks or doing TRUTH. Truth never change instead we are changing against it and by doing so it means we are living against our selves. You can cheat but still truth will stand stead and demand you to stop cheating for it will make you feel guilt and contradict your personal character.
Do you believe in lies?
Some social classes use lies as their tool to defend themselves so as they can get what they want and they wonder why they are not relating well to each other. It is because they are violating the natural law of being TRUE. Violating this natural principle is like trying to hinder waterfalls without preparing a new channel for them to flow through; they will end up destroying your hindrance mechanism. That is how TRUTH is, you may violate it by lying but it will keep on showing off itself so as you can live accordingly.
How do you feel every time you affect others negatively?
You may emotionally do something bad to your fellow human being but afterwards feel bad and guilt from what you have done, this is due to the fact that one among our inbuilt natural principle is having humanity in us. Our humanity is what makes us help each other heartedly as a result we love one another; we participate in building our society, nation and world at large.
Humanity is what makes you a patriot to your country, organization but also ready to take care of those who cannot manage to help themselves.
This is why as human being we cry as one among us dies or get offended in one way or another, we feel guilt and sometime we may die because we have killed someone, all these are results of living against our self natural law which is HUMANITY.
How do you feel when other people do not respect you?
That feeling you get shows that every one naturally needs a sense of self respect and control. You feel good to be respected, you also feel good as you respect yourself. In opposite you feel desperate and discouraged as you fail to maintain your dignity every time you do the things that destroy yourself respect like being in rough appearance, being lazy, using rude and dirty words or language and so forth. Being good is an inbuilt character which is within every human being and it is a universal natural principle. You will find everyone according to their culture try to maintain their dignity however what mean dignity to one social class may become an offence to another society. For instance in one kingdom in South Africa walking half naked to a virgin girl shows her dignity while this mean not respecting a woman in Tanzania.
AS YOU CHANGE YOUR ACTIONS NATURAL PRINCIPLES NEVER CHANGE
Natural principles which make human character are like hard rock, they never change, we are changing ourselves that is why we contradict ourselves and become ineffective at work, life and our actions become of life destruction but as we get back and start living these natural principles again we are sure of positively changing our life to a successful one.
Here I am talking about changing your character (the way you look at your own life) for doing so will change your habits and actions hence your whole life will be positively affected and changed as well. I want you not to dwell into techniques of being perfect with your personality like dressing in a certain way, using a certain language to convince others or any other quick fix techniques, instead I want you to dig deep into your character which is built up by these natural laws from which all you want like looking good to people, relating well to people, working hard, not being lazy are rooted from.
Repositioning yourself to these human natural principles is not an overnight process, is a life you should start living from now and as you try your best to practice every day is how you change your life and become new. It may even take a year and more than that but as you are living accordingly you will everyday see changes in your life. Keep on improving!
By Erick Chrispin
Wednesday, September 11, 2013
It is very easy for you to develop and succeed if you just know what drives you to act the way you act for you will have a reason to change your way of doing things as long as you know the principles.
I asked different people this question and they gave me different answers like “I do what I do because I have decided to so” others said, “I do what I do because my parents asked me to do this way” and most of them fell in this answer that they do what they do because of an external force which influence them to act that way. My critical question to them was, “therefore you are doing what you do because you are programmed to do so?” many agreed with me however they were hating this argument, they wanted to have a feeling of SELF CONTROL in their life however they know that someone is controlling them, they are not free to choose a life they want and this small awareness started to create their inner conflict which triggered their personal life change.
I came back to those who responded to me that they do what they do because they have decided to do so and argued with them that, “do you mean that nobody is influencing your decision making in your life?” the next response was: “even though someone do something to influence my decision making but at the end of the day I am the one who decides to accept or not accept, so this means that I do what I do due to my final decision I make out of what I think I have to do or other people think I have to do”
This response interested me for it made me understand that I am the final decision maker in my life. My parents, teachers, friends, relatives and environment may push me to decide their way but knowing this will make me contemplate their advice and make final decision which will shape my life the way I want it to be.
I am a result of the decisions I make
Whatever you do now is because you decided to do that sometimes before, whatever you are is also an outcome of a decision you made to be so. Look at this scenario: your friend or society pushed you either by force or convincing power to accept what they want you to behave like and you started being so immediate after you said, “YES I can do that” or “anyway let me do so that I cannot embarrass them”, the point here is that, your acceptance meant your decision making, i.e. that process of accepting or rejecting something is what I call decision making. Therefore there is nothing you can do without reaching a final decision to that thing.
You can make a very quick decision or slowly contemplative decision; for instance if you want to escape some dangerous circumstance you will make a very quick decision of jumping or running away and if you want to choose a new way of living let say getting married or starting a new business you may take some time to contemplate about it before you make decision but all in all whatever you do is an outcome of the decision you make in your life (which is an agreement you make by yourself).
The decision you make
Is what makes you more successful or poor, and this is how it works to everybody. If you decided not to work hard you will end up getting its results which is underdevelopment and if you decide to work hard you will get its result which is development. This follows a law of cause and effect i.e. what you get is proportional to what you give.
The basis of your decision making
Any decision you make is an outcome of what you think, and your thought is determined by the information you have in your mind, i.e. the kind of level of information you have is what will shape your decisions; a person from village where there is no cars will think of buying a bicycle which is what he/she knows in his/her mind and he/she will decided to buy a car the day he/she get exposed to this new information (car) by either seeing it or experiencing it in different ways. Therefore what you know is always a reference to your personal decision making in your life, that is why some families are poor than others or some social groups are rich than others.
If you want to make new decisions in your life get exposed to new information. The nature of this information will be your reference to decision making so if you are exposed to business making information you may probably make decision to do business and if you are exposed to drug use information mostly you can probably decide to be a drug dealer. These new information may drive you to make new decision very quickly or slowly depending on your level of contemplation towards new things but what I know is that if you get an information repeatedly you are more likely to accept it and make decision to follow it.
What I am trying to say here is that you can be whatever you want to be by just getting exposed to the right information which will trigger your decision making follow their trend. Do you want to be rich? Seek for rich people way of doing things information, do you want to be successful in anything then seek for information about such success you want and get used to it I am sure you will end up making decision to do what it takes to be successful.
Your automatic actions
Sometime you can do something which you may think it is over your control, for instance finding yourself feeling lazy or bored, angry, stressful, so happy etc, but the fact is you can control these states of mind if you know how they come in to your body.
Any action you do is a result of your body emotion. For instance you jump out of fire because you feel pain being burnt, this emotion is an outcome of information which went into your mind through the door of your sense like skin touching such fire, this information made you to think that you are getting burnt and then you decided to jump up. Remember what you think is an outcome of what you know, and what you know shapes your body emotion which triggers you to act the same way.
If for instance you feel angry know that there is an information entered your mind which create that state of mind for instance someone stole your property, therefore in order to change your state of mind you need to think differently like finding a solution to your problem and becoming positive, that will definitely change your state of mind and your action instantly.
Sometime if you have a certain state of mind which trigger your actions which you don’t like, think of doing some different movements like walking, body exercising, listening or dancing music etc, your state of mind will instantly change and change your actions too.
All in all you do what you do because of the decision you reach by yourself in your life. I may want you do my way but it will depend on your decision to follow my wish for you to do what I want you to do. Knowing this you are free to choose a good life you want and make it happen.
All the best!
By Erick Chrispin
Wednesday, August 14, 2013
Can you remember how many times you have been responding to people that you are successfully doing what you do because you believe in your ability to do it? This is what many people usually tell me when I ask them to let me know what enabled them to do all amazing things they have done.
In fact this is true to everybody for you will always do something successfully and confidently only if you believe that you have an ability to do so, otherwise you are going to hesitate doing it and if you dare try, you will probably do it with less confidence which may make you do it wrongly or succeed with lucky.
The source of your strong belief in something
You will always believe strongly in something you know in detail, so for you to believe in something you must be informed first, belief doesn’t come from air and embrace you instead is an outcome of the information you get in your mind, understanding it, accepting it and the result of these processes is you believing in it.
Therefore a true and sustainable belief in something must go through understanding and accepting the information not only hearing it. If you just try to believe in things you haven’t understood well it is obvious that you won’t last in such belief for you won’t have any reason which binds you to such a thing.
If you are a religious person for you to have a conviction to your God (conviction is the next level after having a strong faith from which one can be ready to die for what he/she believe) you must learn in detail and understand well the philosophy of your religion. Make sure you truly understand the message in your bible or Qur'an for instance.
Any belief to be strong needs reference
What you know about something is the reference to your belief in such a thing. You believe in God because you have reference on him. Someone told you or you learnt from bible or Qur'an for instance, that he is able to help you which is why you believe in him and that is your reference. You also believe that you can do big things because you previously discovered that you have an ability, talent and skills to do so and that is your reference which supports your belief.
Therefore for you to strengthen your belief in you
You must strengthen your reference about you, what I mean here is that you are needed to learn more about your ability to do things, keep on discovering other competences and talents you have in doing amazing things, learn more and more to improve and add your personal skills to pursue your carrier and doing other unique discoveries. Always learn from the mistakes you are doing and try to improve them next time, read books to know about what you want to know and do it, attend seminars about your personal and carrier development in town and online, try to be creative thinker always a person who question why things are the way they are and how they can be improved to be more better? All the information you are going to acquire through learning this way will be your reference which will surely strengthen your belief in you to whatever you want to do.
For belief or faith gives you confidence especially when you try out doing what you believe, then you will obviously become competent and successful. So in order to strengthen your belief in you, you must strengthen your references by learning more and more about your ability to do things. And this learning as I explained above will mean your personal development. For it to be real, never end up on learning about you but make sure you do what you learn about you so that you can be competent for there isn’t any powerful learning like what comes out of experience just after doing something. LIVE YOUR LEARNING.
All the best!
By Erick Chrispin